I couldn't take it anymore. Last week I went to the doctor and she did some bloodwork on me. Well, today I got the results. Surprisingly, I have optimal cholesterol (my mom is on a lipid lowering agent for high cholesterol so I must have gotten the good genes, thanks dad!). The purpose of the blood test was really to check my hormone and thyroid levels. All normal.
So, the not so good news. I mean, the news isn't major but it definitely explains A LOT. I am deficient in iron, vitamin b12 and vitamin d. So all of my tiredness (I am a self proclaimed professional napper), paleness, and low tolerance for exercise can seriously be explained away. Why the deficiencies? That's the real question here. Due to my previous medical history of IBS and all out stomach issues, my doctor is repeating the labs and then sending me back to the gastroenterologist. I had a colonoscopy 2 years ago but she thinks that the place where these vitamins are absorbed (where the small and large intestines meet) wasn't thoroughly explored enough. So, they might do something different where I swallow a camera instead.
After researching it some, the deficiencies explain much more than just being tired. The rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, dizziness and my recent lack of concentration. I thought I was having "life overload" issues, with graduating college, getting married and starting a new career. If left untreated, a vitamin b12 deficiency can cause paranoia, confusion and depression. I think at one point or another, I have touched on all three of those!!
So besides the vitamin D once a month for six months, my doctor has also "prescribed" weight watchers and restarting couch to 5K. Once the repeat labs are back, I might have to start taking vitamin b12 injections...yay! My first thought is, I'll start tomorrow. lol. Do they make pills for motivation?
On a scarier side note. My doctor wants to do a biopsy on a beauty mark that has changed. We were talking about vitamin D and sunlight and I explained that I had not gone in the sun much this summer because I noticed the change. She took a quick look and said "yep, on another visit I am going to numb that up and send it off to pathology". The beauty mark is flat, but the border has become irregular and the colors are two different shades of brown. GREAT. and here I thought it was getting stretched out due to my weight gain. If only I am that lucky.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
We did it!
Jessica, Stephanie and I completed the 5K Walk/Run for Autism in downtown Raleigh today. We basically walked and talked the whole way but it was definitely fun!
Photo Credit: Heather Swanner Photography
Photo Credit: Heather Swanner Photography
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Still haven't budged
In my defense for the month of August, I had just started my new job and in addition to my 12 hour shifts, I also had classes that I had to attend. Right...so now it's september (ok mid-september) and I still have neither the motivation nor the will power to keep going. I have been sooo busy. Last week I worked 3 12 hour shifts in a row...not only does it exhaust you for those three days...but the days after is just like "ahhh I don't have a DAMN thing to do" and exercising is the LAST thing on my mind. While secondarily, this is about losing weight...it's also about the fact that I can't run 5 minutes without losing my breath. I want to be able to run. I had just gotten to the point where I had started enjoying it a little bit...it felt sort of triumphant with each minute I could tack on from the last week. All it took was that little failure and I lost it. I lost the drive and the power. I had control and I lost that too.
Being such a control freak, you'd think I'd be good at this. But I guess having to let other areas in my life go, I kind of let this go too...without really meaning to. Some areas that I've let go were definitely for the better, but this was one thing that was actually benefitting me and I don't know how it got smushed with the other stuff. It's weird because I'm actually putting myself first in other ways, besides the way that will actually personally and physically reallly benefit me. So technically, I'm still putting myself last.
It's funny how little things, like getting a haircut, is how I "put myself first". I haven't had a haircut in THREE months...I guess it's the little things though. I've also picked up two of my favorite hobbies again...photography and playing the violin. That stuff (including getting a haircut) makes me FEEL good. But it's temporary. I'm not always going to have a camera in my hand and a haircut can only last so long. But taking care of my body is for me and only me and it goes a long way. I guess I'm just tackling right now what I can handle.
I have signed up for the Heart Walk on September 27th (joined a team at work). A walk I can handle! lol...5K...maybe my goals were just a little too high in too short amount of time. I'm still going to go...but I might end up jogging/walking it and possibly alone since the other girls have progressed way far ahead of me. I'll probably drag Alan with me just so I have someone to talk to.
Being such a control freak, you'd think I'd be good at this. But I guess having to let other areas in my life go, I kind of let this go too...without really meaning to. Some areas that I've let go were definitely for the better, but this was one thing that was actually benefitting me and I don't know how it got smushed with the other stuff. It's weird because I'm actually putting myself first in other ways, besides the way that will actually personally and physically reallly benefit me. So technically, I'm still putting myself last.
It's funny how little things, like getting a haircut, is how I "put myself first". I haven't had a haircut in THREE months...I guess it's the little things though. I've also picked up two of my favorite hobbies again...photography and playing the violin. That stuff (including getting a haircut) makes me FEEL good. But it's temporary. I'm not always going to have a camera in my hand and a haircut can only last so long. But taking care of my body is for me and only me and it goes a long way. I guess I'm just tackling right now what I can handle.
I have signed up for the Heart Walk on September 27th (joined a team at work). A walk I can handle! lol...5K...maybe my goals were just a little too high in too short amount of time. I'm still going to go...but I might end up jogging/walking it and possibly alone since the other girls have progressed way far ahead of me. I'll probably drag Alan with me just so I have someone to talk to.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Another hiatus...
Wouldn't it be nice if there were no bumps in the road and I could just complete this in the time I am supposed to??? Right. Well shit happens. This week has been rough...personally, emotionally and educationally. But today was a GREAT day. I got to do something that I love and found out that I wasn't half bad at it. I even learned a few new things today.
Not only that, but I got to spend time with my nursing gals and dump a lot of my emotional load that I've been holding on to. It's really tough working in a place where a person could potentially die every day, and maybe more than one. I was part of another code blue on Friday and boy what a rush but what a terrible and sad ending. It's rough. But on Wednesday, I saw one of the patients that coded last week and made it, leave our unit in a wheel chair (which is VERY rare, they are usually transferred by bed to another floor). We rarely ever discharge patients to home because they are just too sick. But seeing that guy wheel himself out was the stuff that makes up why I love my job.
Hanging with my girls was exactly what I needed because we are all going through the same thing. While at work we don't ever have time to really talk about what just happened. One of my girls works on the same unit as I do and it's so great to be able to talk to someone who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through...and it's also good to hear the other girls' stories about what they've seen and have had to deal with.
It's so hard to talk to Alan about any of it because he gets grossed out pretty easily (and I see a lot of gross shit!). The other day (ok this is a little personal but whatever) we were in the shower and I didn't have my glasses or contacts in and I saw this black thing by his foot and I started FREAKING out thinking it was a spider, so he gets down and FLICKS it and it lands on my foot!!! I literally screamed and shook my foot in horror while COMPLETELY freaking out and it finally went down the drain. Turns out, it was a fuzzy from our black bathroom rug. =/ Alan just started cracking up because he can't believe that after all the gross stuff I see and do without a care in the world, I freak out about bugs...he thinks it's hysterical.
Work has literally been exhausting me. I'm sure this is just an adjustment period though and hopefully this week I can pick back up on Week 4 and kill that damn thing!! It's like a monkey on my back. I just want to make it to Week 5 so bad!!
Not only that, but I got to spend time with my nursing gals and dump a lot of my emotional load that I've been holding on to. It's really tough working in a place where a person could potentially die every day, and maybe more than one. I was part of another code blue on Friday and boy what a rush but what a terrible and sad ending. It's rough. But on Wednesday, I saw one of the patients that coded last week and made it, leave our unit in a wheel chair (which is VERY rare, they are usually transferred by bed to another floor). We rarely ever discharge patients to home because they are just too sick. But seeing that guy wheel himself out was the stuff that makes up why I love my job.
Hanging with my girls was exactly what I needed because we are all going through the same thing. While at work we don't ever have time to really talk about what just happened. One of my girls works on the same unit as I do and it's so great to be able to talk to someone who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through...and it's also good to hear the other girls' stories about what they've seen and have had to deal with.
It's so hard to talk to Alan about any of it because he gets grossed out pretty easily (and I see a lot of gross shit!). The other day (ok this is a little personal but whatever) we were in the shower and I didn't have my glasses or contacts in and I saw this black thing by his foot and I started FREAKING out thinking it was a spider, so he gets down and FLICKS it and it lands on my foot!!! I literally screamed and shook my foot in horror while COMPLETELY freaking out and it finally went down the drain. Turns out, it was a fuzzy from our black bathroom rug. =/ Alan just started cracking up because he can't believe that after all the gross stuff I see and do without a care in the world, I freak out about bugs...he thinks it's hysterical.
Work has literally been exhausting me. I'm sure this is just an adjustment period though and hopefully this week I can pick back up on Week 4 and kill that damn thing!! It's like a monkey on my back. I just want to make it to Week 5 so bad!!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
W4D3..ahem...WEEK 4 FAIL!!
haha...yeah...I failed again tonight. It wasn't about my breathing but I was just plain tired and got a nasty shin splint (?) in my left shin while running. It's fine now, but wow it was nagging during the third interval so I stopped...afraid I might really hurt myself. I went for the last interval and just knew it was the end for me. So I stopped at 1.75 miles in about 23 minutes. Bummer but that really sucked and I didn't want to kill myself over it. At least I got in almost two miles. I definitely HAVE to repeat week 4 this week. I'm getting nervous because some of the other girls seem way ahead of the game than I am. I feel really slow. I hope it's just AF that is making me so drained this week. I also ate a late lunch and didn't eat before I ran, thinking it would make me feel better, but I really felt drained of energy. I definitely felt different this week so hopefully next week I can step it up and knock week 4 out of the park!!
Another downer tonight was I was talking to my dad saying how Alan and I were about to go to the gym and he started asking about it. I told him how I have been running 3x a week for the past month....Of course he's like, "so have you lost any weight?" (WTF?!?! DAD!!!!) and then he started talking about how I wouldn't want to run with ALL THAT WEIGHT ON ME....omg I wanted to cry. Who does that? And then he's like, have you ever tried that Jenny Carpenter, eh Carmen, errr Caoisdfjaioweofer...I wanted to die. Thanks dad. And yes, I'm still at 178. I haven't budged a pound...just floated around it. I remember the days when my heaviest was 172 and I only was there for like a few weeks before I started WW. I've always lived in the 160s and even THEN I thought I was a cow. I need to pull myself out of this hole.
Another downer tonight was I was talking to my dad saying how Alan and I were about to go to the gym and he started asking about it. I told him how I have been running 3x a week for the past month....Of course he's like, "so have you lost any weight?" (WTF?!?! DAD!!!!) and then he started talking about how I wouldn't want to run with ALL THAT WEIGHT ON ME....omg I wanted to cry. Who does that? And then he's like, have you ever tried that Jenny Carpenter, eh Carmen, errr Caoisdfjaioweofer...I wanted to die. Thanks dad. And yes, I'm still at 178. I haven't budged a pound...just floated around it. I remember the days when my heaviest was 172 and I only was there for like a few weeks before I started WW. I've always lived in the 160s and even THEN I thought I was a cow. I need to pull myself out of this hole.
Friday, August 14, 2009
W4 D2...what a doozie!!
Ok, I always do this. I think I'm on the up and up when clearly I'm not. Mother nature brought me her gift this morning and we had a heavy dinner (thanks Bertolli!!). We rested for an hour and then hit the gym (yes, on a Friday night!!). I'm having to like, drag Alan to the gym with me. He's always the one to be like "I don't feel good" but then always caves in at the last minute when I threaten to go without him...haha.
So we get to the gym and I'm feelin pretty good...and of course there is someone on one of the treadmills but not the glorious window one!! So I take that one and the stupid competitiveness gets the best of me. I tried to match the pace of the guy next to me. I think he was going 5.5 (I tried to peek but the glare on the monitor makes it hard). So I thought, for sure, I could go at 5.0 at least the first two intervals. And you know what??? I DID!!!! but it came with its consequences unfortunately. =/
So I did a 3 minute and then a 5 minute interval at 5.0 and when the next 3 minute interval came I went back to my comfort zone at 4.8 because I was reallllly feeling it. Mostly in my legs and a cramp in my right foot (how annoying!!) and then I started to get that "full" feeling from eating the heavy meal...NOT a good feeling when you're bouncing up and down gasping for air...lol. So then comes that last damn 5 minute interval and I started at 4.8 and HAD to cut it back to 4.6...I honestly wasn't going to make it...and I didn't. lol. I had to drop back to walking about halfway through the last 5 minute interval. FAIL!!!!
Well, not really...it just proves that I'm in the right place and I KNOW what my right pace is. I feel like it's ok to test the waters and push yourself..but not to the point where you can't complete the intervals. The last day this week (Sunday) I will definitely do 4.8 all across the board. If I can't complete it like that (which I SHOULD be able to), I'll have to repeat this week. Week 5 has you doing three different workouts (a different workout for each day) so I have to be prepared for that. I haven't seen what I'm up against but I'll do a "prepare" post probably Sunday night. I don't want to look now and psych myself out too much if I go ahead and plan to start week 5 on Tuesday. My schedule next week regardless, is going to be T/TH/Sat according to my work schedule. It's amazing what a measly 0.2 mph can do to you!!! ugh!!! I will get there though! Right now completing the workouts is more important than competing with myself (or other runners who might be next to you!) lol.
BTW, I did 2.14 miles in about 31 minutes...It's weird because the podcast is for a 29 minute workout but he talks for like at least two minutes in the beginning, so there is an extra 2 minutes of me just walking. And AGAIN, I forgot to take pictures of the new gym AND my monitor. Sunday, I'm going to make a point of it!!!
So we get to the gym and I'm feelin pretty good...and of course there is someone on one of the treadmills but not the glorious window one!! So I take that one and the stupid competitiveness gets the best of me. I tried to match the pace of the guy next to me. I think he was going 5.5 (I tried to peek but the glare on the monitor makes it hard). So I thought, for sure, I could go at 5.0 at least the first two intervals. And you know what??? I DID!!!! but it came with its consequences unfortunately. =/
So I did a 3 minute and then a 5 minute interval at 5.0 and when the next 3 minute interval came I went back to my comfort zone at 4.8 because I was reallllly feeling it. Mostly in my legs and a cramp in my right foot (how annoying!!) and then I started to get that "full" feeling from eating the heavy meal...NOT a good feeling when you're bouncing up and down gasping for air...lol. So then comes that last damn 5 minute interval and I started at 4.8 and HAD to cut it back to 4.6...I honestly wasn't going to make it...and I didn't. lol. I had to drop back to walking about halfway through the last 5 minute interval. FAIL!!!!
Well, not really...it just proves that I'm in the right place and I KNOW what my right pace is. I feel like it's ok to test the waters and push yourself..but not to the point where you can't complete the intervals. The last day this week (Sunday) I will definitely do 4.8 all across the board. If I can't complete it like that (which I SHOULD be able to), I'll have to repeat this week. Week 5 has you doing three different workouts (a different workout for each day) so I have to be prepared for that. I haven't seen what I'm up against but I'll do a "prepare" post probably Sunday night. I don't want to look now and psych myself out too much if I go ahead and plan to start week 5 on Tuesday. My schedule next week regardless, is going to be T/TH/Sat according to my work schedule. It's amazing what a measly 0.2 mph can do to you!!! ugh!!! I will get there though! Right now completing the workouts is more important than competing with myself (or other runners who might be next to you!) lol.
BTW, I did 2.14 miles in about 31 minutes...It's weird because the podcast is for a 29 minute workout but he talks for like at least two minutes in the beginning, so there is an extra 2 minutes of me just walking. And AGAIN, I forgot to take pictures of the new gym AND my monitor. Sunday, I'm going to make a point of it!!!
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